worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
