I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
