My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
