normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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