how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
