Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize