fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
