I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
