I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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