We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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