I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i have two assholes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
