just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
