The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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