Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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