How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
