the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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