It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
