Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We just shotgunned beers for America
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
