Yo dont text me then not text me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
