guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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