did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
