just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
