It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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