I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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