I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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