Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
