textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
