arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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