Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
