i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
