All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
