If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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