Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize