Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
