I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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