you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
