i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
