I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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