Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
