Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
