I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
