Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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