My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
