dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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