It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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