The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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