It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
