happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize