I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
