And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
