I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
