Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
