I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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