God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
