So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize