My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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