....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
