I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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