mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
