so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
