Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize