i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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