When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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