i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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