We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
