I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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