I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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