I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
