"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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