I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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