I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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