im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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