what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
