everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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